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Eishes
Chayil
A wife of virtue who can find? Her value
is far greater than pearls.
Eishes - Wife |
The term
used here for the wife is the sane as used
in Bereishis (2:23) when Adam first
described and named his mate. "She should
be called Ishah (woman) because she was
taken from Ish (man)."
What was the purpose of Adam naming her
Ishah? This question is strengthened by
the fact that later on, in Bereishis 3:20,
he names her Chavah (Eve). We realize that
Ishah is the general name of all women,
and it means she is a helpmate. We find
her uniqueness exemplified by verses such
as: "Have joy with your wife....Be always
occupied in your love towards her" (Mishlei
5:18-19). "Experience life with the woman
you love" (Koheles 9:9).
These verses, our Sages (Kiddushin 36b)
explain, serve as a unique parable.
A wife is analogous to the torah of Hashem,
which is wedded to the Jewish Nation.
Thus, when we study these verses, we must
keep in mind the dual level of
understanding. The virtuous wife brings
success to her husband and to herself in
this world, thus achieving the rewards of
the World to Come.
She is analogous to the Torah, which
serves this same purpose of bringing us
success both in this world and the World
to Come. |
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Chayil -
Valor/Virtue
There are several translations of the
word Chayil:
1. The Targum - a kosher wife;
2. Ibn Ezra - wise, competent, and
efficient;
3. Metzudas - energetic and
straightforward.
The word chayil encompasses many
characteristics such as: self control,
diplomacy, foresight, responsibility,
patience, loyalty, industrious,
kindliness, selflessness, and creative
talent,as we see in the following
twenty-two verses.
In addition, the root of the word eishes,
eish, which means fire. Thus, eishes
chayil, is a woman who is charged with a
fiery love of Hashem, the Torah, her
husband, and her family.
In Shemos (18:21) the quality of valor
is listed as the first desirable
attribute, even before fear of Hashem
and truthfulness. Valor refers to energy
of character, which is manifested by
action. It thus includes all other
desirable qualities (Rabbi Avigdor
Miller, A Nation is Born, p. 241)
The Vilna Gaon points out how precisely
the metaphor matches the subject, in
that the numerical equivalent (gematriah)
of the word chayil is forty-eight, which
corresponds to the forty-eight qualities
that are essential in order to acquire
the Torah. Thus, in order to "find"
Torah, to truly merit to acquire genuine
Torah, one must develop himself in the
forty-eight forms of the perfection that
are listed in Chapter 6 of Pirkei Avos.
Mi Yimtza - Who Can Find?
This phrase alludes to Bereishis (2:20),
where the Torah teaches that there was a
search to find a helpmate for Adam.
First Hashem said (2:18): "It is not
good for man to be alone; I shall make
for him a congruent helpmate." We then
find an unsuccessful search amongst all
of the creatures that Hashem had
created, until the Torah concludes: "And
for the man he did not find a congruent
helpmate. "
Why did the Creator conduct a search for
Adam to find a wife? Likewise, why does
Shlomo HaMelech in Mishlei here teach
that it is difficult to "find" a
virtuous wife?
Rabbi Avigdor Miller explains: "We
realize that Adam was being prepared for
a wife. The Creator employed the
stratagem of having Adam search through
all of the creatures that God had
created to emphasize the great need for
an appropriate mate. If Adam had been
offered a wife without sufficient
introduction, he may have considered her
an encumbrance or a competitor. Every
benefit is appreciated more fully if it
arrives after its need is felt" (The
Beginning, p. 78)
This may be a reason why Hashem seems to
withhold from some people their finding
of the “right one” for a long time. They
should contemplate the need for a spouse
and sincerely request Hashem’s
assistance in their quest.
As Mishlei sums up this matter in an
earlier chapter (18:22): “He who finds a
wife finds good, and he obtains favor
from Hashem!”
Her Value Is Far Greater than Pearls
The connection to the first part of the
verse is now obvious. After a search,
one realizes that a wife is far more
valuable than all of the possible wealth
in the world.
People tend to misjudge the value of the
marriage relationship. A person may feel
if he had made enough money, he could
buy most of the services that he would
need and manage without marriage. But
Hashem knows better. “It is not good for
man to be alone!” A wife is the “good”
helpmate that is that is the greatest
find he will ever discover. Let him make
the best of it and utilize the
opportunity fully by appreciating
Hashem’s gift to him in fulfillment of
the verse: ‘Rejoice with the wife of
your youth” (Mishlei 5:18). If you have
the right attitude and you work on
understanding and appreciating Hashem’s
ways, you will have cause to rejoice
endlessly. However, one who rejects a
pious and wise woman fails the test and
loses the greatest wealth.
Practical Applications
First, this verse obligates us to
continuously pray to Hashem for
assistance in “finding.” Tehillim (32:6)
teaches: ‘Let every pious person pray to
You at a time of finding.” The Gemara (Berachos
8a) explains: “At the time of finding a
wife.” Thus, we must pray first to find
the right partner and then continue to
pray all of our lives that we should
appreciate the fantastic find that
Hashem has provided for us.
Second, Berachos (8a) teaches that the
Sages would ask everyone, soon after
they were married, whether they had
“found” a wife or whether they were
“finding” a wife. This is explained as
referring to either of these verses:
“One who found a wife has found
goodness” (Mishlei 18:22)
“I find more bitter than death a woman”
(Koheles 7:26)
This is puzzling. What is the purpose of
the question? The Vilna Gaon explains
that the difference lies in the tense of
the word “found” or “finding.” The verse
in Mishlei is worded in the past tense,
whereas the verse in Koheles is worded
in the present tense. This teaches us
that our happiness is in our hands! If
we decide to appreciate the great find
that Hashem has bestowed on us, we are
fortunate. However, one who is still
seeking will find trouble. We must open
our eyes and rejoice!
He Trusts
Her husband trusts her wholeheartedly,
and (as a result) he does not lack any
treasure. (31:11)
The word for trust (bitachon) is usually
used in connection with trusting in
Hashem. Thus, we may wonder why this
verse considers it appropriate for a
husband to put his trust in his wife?
This issue becomes even more surprising
when we study the initial instruction
Hashem gives man in regard to his
relationship with his wife: “Therefore a
man should forsake his father and his
mother, and should cling (davak) to his
wife, and they should become [as] one
flesh” (Bereshis 2:24). The word “cling”
is the same as that used in reference to
“cling” to Hashem (Devarim 10:20). A man
is instructed to form a bond with his
wife to the degree that they become as
inseparable as if they were one person.
Thus, man’s reliance on his wife is a
directive (mitzvah) of the Torah, which
teaches them to form a union. Together,
as one unit, they trust solely in Hashem
Who created them both and made them for
each other.
Whole Heartedly
The emphasis that he trusts her with his
heart indicates that it is not mere
logical trust, but one that is deeply
rooted in his emotions as well.
The Torah’s emphasis “They shall be as
one flesh” and the Gemara’s expression
“His wife is as his body” (Berachos 24a)
indicate that a husband should consider
his wife as actually apart of himself.
Thus, his feelings towards her
supersede, in a certain sense, even his
relationship with his parents.
Why does the Torah describe marriage as
“forsaking one’s parents” (Bereishis
2:24), when the Torah itself teaches as
one of the Ten Commandments the
obligation to always honor one’s
parents? The answer is that your spouse
is like you, and your care for yourself
in a fulfillment of honoring your
parents, who desire your completion and
achievements in perfecting yourself.
No Lack of Treasure
Hashem’s gift of a mate is designed to
provide countless benefits. We are
expected to consider the many benefits
and to be as appreciative and excited as
one who finds infinite treasure!
The word shalal (treasure) usually
refers to spoils that are gained by a
victor in battle or an unexpected gain.
She fulfills his expectations and then
much more than he was able to imagine.
Good and Not Bad
She provides him with good and not bad,
all the days of her life. (31:12)
How do we imagine a person so virtuous
as to never cause someone harm? Is she
an angel?
This refers us to the unique capacity
inherent in a wife. The Torah reveals
Hashem’s miracle of a woman serving as a
“helpmate opposite him” (eizer
k’negdo)(Bereishis 2:18). Only the Great
Designer could fashion a help that
serves also as an opposite. A man and
his wife perfect each other through
their differences. They were not made
alike: “Women are a people to
themselves” (Shabbos 62a). Each has
his/her own ways and attributes, and
each is intended by Hashem to serve as a
test to the other. Each complements the
other, so that each one can harmonize
and develop his/her potential to the
fullest in the service of Hashem. Thus,
even a contentious wife is a precious
gift from Heaven, meant as a test in the
service of Hashem (as the Gemara
illustrates in Yevamos 63).
When we understand the benefits intended
by Hashem even from the seeming bad that
occurs in this world, we realize that it
is not bad at all. A challenge is good,
for it helps elevate and perfect a
person when he approaches life with the
attitudes taught by the Torah.
In Summary
The first three verses are a general
introduction to the subject.
A wife is:
1. the greatest treasure one can find,
2. reliable and trustworthy,
3. all good.
We continue now by itemizing some of her
specific attributes in detail.
She seeks [to buy] Wool and Linen
She seeks [to buy] wool and linen, and
she manufactures [does] them with
willing hands. (31:13)
The word used here for seek (doreish) is
generally used for seeking Hashem. We
understand that a virtuous woman’s
efforts, even in her daily tasks, are
performed with the pure intentions of
doing Hashem’s will. She is always
serving Hashem by building a loyal home
of service for Hashem. Thus, working
with wool and linen is not an
interruption from the service of Hashem,
but rather an intrinsic part of the
service. It is a form of seeking Hashem
because it is done for His sake.
The phrase “and she does” (va’ta;as) is
reminiscent of the expression “to do” (la’asos)
in Bereishis (2:3), where Hashem ceased
from the work He had created “to do.”
The addition of “to do” includes the
lesson that Hashem prepared the world
for man to take over and do. He is
responsible to develop the world and use
it for the service of Hashem.
She Seeks Out Wool and Linen
This reference includes her concern to
fulfill the prohibition against using
materials that are combined of wool and
linen – shatnes (VaYikra 19:19, Devarim
22:11). A person looking for a suitable
garment will check the fabric, style,
size, and many other considerations. But
the Torah instructs us to consider the
separation of wool and linen as a
primary consideration. A Jew places this
issue at the top of his list.
With Willing Hands
This Torah attitude is taught in the
Talmud (Nedarim 19b): “How great is
work!” The Mishnah (Avos, ch. 1) also
inspires us to “love work!”
Practical Applications
We may ask why we begin with her efforts
for clothing before that of food? There
is an underlying explanation for the
prohibition of shatnes (mixed wool and
linen) that teaches a perspective for
everything else that we do in life.
Pirkei D’ Rebbe Eliezer (ch. 20) teaches
that the offering of Cain contained flax
(Bereishis 4:3), whereas the offering
from Abel was from sheep, which included
their wool. Cain’s offering was not
accepted by Hashem, and he subsequently
became the first to shed human blood.
Thus, the prohibition against wearing
shatnes includes the symbolic lesson
that the offerings of Cain and Abel must
not even mingle in the weave of a
garment. In order to succeed in life, we
must keep in mind the principle that one
should not mingle with those of lesser
virtue.
The way we dress and clothing we wear
remind us of the need to stay apart, so
that even when we go out to earn our
daily bread, we follow the Torah’s
guidance for all of our endeavors.
As a Merchant’s Ship
She was a merchant’s ship, bringing her
bread even from a distance. (31:14)
What is the meaning of this metaphor? A
ship may need to travel from place to
place, even to great distances, to
accumulate its load. It may also need to
search for appropriate sources in order
to secure adequate profits. The virtuous
wife is also committed to her tasks in a
determined way, to do whatever is
required of her and more.
Bringing Her Bread
The process of obtaining bread is
demanding: “By the sweat of your brow
you shall eat bread” (Bereishis 3:19).
One of the reasons for this requirement
is that it helps protect one from sin
(Avos 2:2). Thus, it is an ideal that
she is actively involved in positive
causes to avoid “idleness which leads to
immorality” (Kesubos 39b). Toiling for a
livelihood is referred to as the yoke of
derech eretz (worldly responsibilities)
(Avos 3:5), which also means decent
behavior.
While It Was Still Night
And she arose while it was still night,
to give food to her household and a
portion to her servants.
(31:15)
The Midrash (Yalkut Shimoni) relates
this verse to “And Avraham arose early
in the morning” (Bereishis 22:3). The
righteous are energetic to rise as soon
as possible to serve Hashem with
alacrity. She rose at an early hour to
supervise her household personally in
accordance with the principle of “The
energetic hasten early to do mitzvos” (Pesachim),
and “It is more of a mitzvah to do it
personally rather than through an agent”
(Kiddushin 41a).
And She Gave Food
The words for food here, teref and chok,
are a reference to Mishlei 30:8 where
Shlomo HaMelech prays to Hashem for his
basic needs. He pleads that Hashem
should not make him too poor or too
rich. He then concludes with the phrase
hatrifeini lechem chuki0 provide me with
the proper amount for my daily needs. A
righteous woman stays in control of the
situation to distribute her food
supplies in a rational manner.
In addition, the word teref implies
procured in a sudden manner (see
Bereishis 8:11 and Yoma 39a, the first
word of the Mishnah.) This indicates
that one should always acknowledge that
his food is a direct gift from Hashem,
as if it had just appeared on your table
through Hashem’s unlimited kindness.
Her Plans
She planned to obtain a field and she
bought it; from the fruit of her hands,
she planted a vineyard.
(31:16)
This verse seems strange to us. When we
see a virtuous woman involved in
producing clothing in verse 4 or food in
verse 5, we understand it as appropriate
activities. However, here she seems to
embark on money-making ventures that
seem out of place for a righteous woman.
Yet, we must realize that her approach
is to serve Hashem sincerely in every
possible manner. When she can make
investments that will help in the long
run, she is involved with the same
alacrity and single-minded devotion that
she invests in her daily tasks.
She Planned
The word zamemah implies that she
planned and maintained a savings program
though constant thrift in order to
accumulate sufficient savings to
purchase a field.
She Planted a Vineyard
A vineyard has a prominent place in her
program because its product, wine, is
useful in promoting good deeds. When
wine is used properly, as for Kiddush,
Havdalah, wedding celebrations, Bris
Milah, etc., it encourages the service
to Hashem. “ Wine is called tirosh
because if one uses it meritoriously, it
assists in elevating him to a leadership
position (rosh); but if it is misused,
he becomes a pauper (raish)” (Sanhedrin
70a).
After the Great Flood, Noach began his
agricultural rebuilding of the world by
planting a vineyard. His intentions were
surely virtuous, but he is still
criticized for not beginning first with
another plant, due to the potential risk
with wine (Rashi, Bereishis 9:20). Thus,
the virtuous woman, who has learned the
Torah’s lessons from Noach, begins with
another field and then plants a
vineyard.
Vigorous Energy
She girds her loins with strength, and
her arms with power. (31:17)
Although she has many children and many
servants (as noted in v.15), she
utilizes her own self in the service of
Hashem. Her valor invigorates her entire
body to join personally in the privilege
of using her limbs energetically for
Hashem’s sake.
As she continues to amass assets, she
finds it necessary to gird herself in
order to maintain her balance and to
protect against the potential
temptations that emerge with success.
The Talmud uses the expression of this
verse in regard to clinging to Torah
scholars (Shabbos 63a). It indicates the
fortification necessary to combat
negative influences and to further one’s
advancement in positive causes. Rashi
says: “Cling to a Torah scholar, for
eventually you will benefit from his
teachings.”
We also learn that initially a person
must struggle to accomplish a good deed.
Mitzvos, as a matter of course, do not
come easily. It is only when one
perseveres and does his best that Hashem
assists the person and helps him
succeed.
Ongoing
She tasted the goodness of her efforts;
she did not extinguish her light at
night. (31:18)
Previously in verse 6, we spoke of her
rising early, while still dark, to begin
her program. Now we proceed to explain
that when she sees success in her
efforts, she continues to advance full
speed ahead. This is the principle of
mitzvah gorgers mitzvah (Avos 4:2) – one
good deed leads to another.
Furthermore, the Moiré explains that the
taste of success tends to throw people
off the proper track. Thus, this verse
emphasizes that although she was
successful and grew wealthy, she did not
become lazy and relax from her efforts.
Her lights are still shining at night as
she continues to produce.
Domestic Arts
She stretches out her hands to her
spinning (visitor), and her palms
support her spindle (palace).
(31:19)
Although she is involved in commerce and
in business endeavors, she does not
neglect domestic arts (spinning,
weaving, sewing).
The word visitor also means “with
kashrus" Vilna Gaon). She stretches out
her hands with attention to all the laws
of keeping kosher that pertain to all of
one’s actions. Her efforts are in
accordance with all of the laws of the
Torah.
The word palace is used in Yoma (66b):
“A woman’s wisdom is at her palace.” Her
unique skills are typified be the
ability to build from scratch. She is
able to manufacture threads and develop
garments. This capacity carries into all
aspects of life. She is the expert at
building her family, society, and the
entire Jewish nation.
Her Palm
Her palm she spreads to a poor person,
and her hands are extended to the very
poor. (31:20)
Pariah
The word literally means to “break off.”
She even shares from her own portion of
bread by breaking off a piece for
others.
Her Hands She Sends to the Very Needy
Why does is say she “sends” (sheltie)
her hands? Pirkei Avos (5:13) teaches
that the highest level of giving is to
say: “Mine is yours and yours is yours.”
We can explain “She sends her hands to
the poor” as to say “They are yours.”
Snow-Wise
She does not fear the snow for her
household, for her entire household is
clothed in wool. (31:21)
Her Garments
She prepares fine bedspreads for
herself, linen and purple wool for her
garments. (31:22)
Her Husband
Her husband is famous in gatherings, as
he sits with the elders of the land.
(31:23)
Home Business
Garments she would make to sell, and
belts she would give to merchants.
(31:24)
She Rejoices
Strength and glory are her garments, and
she rejoices in expectancy of her last
day. (31:25)
Mouth Movements
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the
teachings of kindliness are on her
tongue. (31:26)
Practical Applications
There is a requirement here for a person
to utilize the skills of an actor. Even
if a person does not feel up to it
internally, it is essential to always
speak only that which is wise and kind.
She Watches
She watches the ways of her house, and
she does not eat the bread of idleness.
(31:27)
To the Ways of Her House
Countless issues are included in “the
ways” that she supervises. Safety is one
of the prime requirements of a Jewish
home and way of life. “Do not put blood
upon your home” (Devarim 22:8), which
refers to a failure to put up adequate
safety railings. Parents must be on
guard against many similar situations in
order to prevent and mishap from
occurring.
She Does Not Eat the Bread of Idleness
Her supervision extends to all aspects
of her household. As an example, we
refer to the preparation of bread, which
is the staff of life. Specifically, we
are taught, “If there is no flour, there
is no Torah” (Avos 3:21). Thus, she is
energetic in preparing bread with
realization that it is not merely a
material meal but that it supplies the
greatest spiritual benefits.
Praising
Her children arose and praised her, her
husband [also arose] and praised her
enthusiastically. (31:28)
It is a mitzvah to rise in honor of our
parents. It is also certainly a mitzvah
to praise them. Clayey Adam (call 67)
explains that there are three parts to
obligation of honoring parents: action,
word, and thought. The Talmud relates
that when Rebbe Josef would hear his
mother’s footsteps, he would say: “I
shall rise in honor of the Shoeshine
(Divine Presence).” Thus, he would
combine aspects of action (rising),
speaking, and thinking. The more we
consider greatness and importance in our
parents, the more we will be fulfilling
our obligation in this matter.
The husband’s moral obligation to pay
his unlimited debt of gratitude to his
wife is fulfilled in a small way be
singing her praises all the time.
Studying her praises and voicing them
enthusiastically is a minimal form of
hakaras hatov (gratitude).
Mosaic of Praise
Many daughters have achieved valor, but
you (v’at) have surpassed them all.
(31:29)
There are people who excel in one or
more of the above qualities. But we are
referring to one who excels in all of
them. This is one of the purposes of
alef-beis sequence of these verses. The
virtuous wife is compared to the Torah;
thus, she is praised with all twenty-two
letters on the Hebrew alphabet, which
forms all the words of the Torah.
The twenty-two praises compose a mosaic
of perfection. She is lauded with all
the praises possible. In order to be
sure that we do not omit any
commendations, we must use every letter,
for God initially created the Torah
composed of the letters of the alef-beis
and subsequently utilized the Torah as
the blueprint for the creation of the
universe.
Exclusive Praise
Charm is false, and beauty is vain, a
woman who fears Hashem is to be praised.
(31:30)
Why did Hashem provide exceptional
physical to Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, and
Yoseif (see Bereishis 12:14, 24:16,
29:17, 39:6) if it is not considered
praiseworthy? We realize that these were
people who achieved perfection in their
fear of Hashem. Hashem granted them
external beauty in order to advertise
their unique virtue, as one who puts
jewels into an expensive box to
highlight the value of the contents.
Give her from the fruit of her hands,
and praise her at public gatherings for
her deeds.
(31:31)
Her actions speak for themselves. We do
not have to fabricate material with
which to praise her. This verse
underscores one of the primary themes of
these twenty-two verses.
“Say little and do much” (Avos 1:15).
She is not even depicted as talking
until verse 26. She is constant motion,
in the performance of good deeds. She is
energetic and active.
Although her speech in verse 26 only
consists of wisdom and kindness, we
still wait until now before mentioning
it. The priorities of the Torah are
paramount in her life, and we learn from
her how to gauge our efforts.
“Say little and do much.” This is her
motto!
May each of us merit to appreciate and
emulate the infinite attributes of the
true eishes chayil – the woman of valor
in our lives.
In Conclusion
Rabbeinu Bachya, in his introduction to
the last Parasha of the Torah (VeZos
HaBerachah), elaborates on the lessons
from Eishes Chayil.
We learn mussar and derech eretz to
search for a good wife, who will serve
as the foundation of one’s home and to
build a proper edifice.
A good wife, who has all of the good
character traits, encompasses the entire
Torah, for she is his assistant for
success in Torah and Mitzvos, just as
the body assists the soul to serve
Hashem.
May we all aspire to these qualities of
energy to serve Hashem in every possible
way, as we find with all of the great
personalities of Tanach, Talmud, and
throughout our glorious history.
- Exert from: Gems from Mishlei |
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